#i'm too tired to tag anything else
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it's always so fun to see David Tennant playing despicable characters, i missed this
#watched the first two episodes of rivals today and i'm having a lot of fun with it#i will watch the rest over the weekend (i'm too old and tired to see the whole thing back to back and also i want to savour it a bit)#david is brilliant as always and he's the only reason why i'm watching this but i'm glad to say i'm enjoying everything else as well#i won't reblog anything spoilery until i'm finished but i will tag everything when i do
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when you
when you bird
#utsuho reiuji#okuu#touhou project#not tagging anything else im tired lol#going to look at a car tmmrw. praying it's as good as a deal as it seems and that it's still there-#i'm terrified man i've had terrible luck with the cars i want :[#but surely. this time for sure-#anyways#funny hell raven#i hope my friend likes his very late christmas gift#which will be this in mousepad form#...i waited too long to do this lmao#*oh well i tried ckj-*#shook arts
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Apparently that's called the 'irresistible force paradox'
#oc f/o#f/o art#fictional other#self shipping#self insert#oc#original character#they're patient with me#also I finally draw Hadri with a different form!#I want to do more with their shape shifting but I haven't made much that turns out well#small vent in tags upcoming if you don't want to read#Feeling bad about posting but I shouldn't just give up#In some way social media isn't for me because I take things too personally#but if I'm going to meet people I have some common ground with I don't know where else I'd look#common ground with something that means something to me#I want to meet people that don't suck to talk to#And actively have things they want to talk to me about that we're both interested in#Tired of being just ears.#I'm talking about my family here not anyone on the site btw#I just wish there were people who wanted to talk in the same way I want to talk#same level of energy I guess#Sorry to vent in silly drawings but it is what it is#Fun fact if you read this far...Hadri would like Evangelion#I don't know why that came to mind today but it makes total sense#They're a deity-like person so religion is interesting and they'd be drawn in by the drama#I honestly don't know how they'd examine media since their setting is basically medieval so Hadri's never really watched anything#Maybe a play?#I'd be nice to know what Hadri would think of things I like#But my tastes are very colorful... watched Ind/go Park for example and have it stuck in my head now#Popp/ playtime and Ind/go Park seem to both be going for fnaf Portal and I am feeling something
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hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
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I felt like to play Hunger Games simulator again so here's some funny/cursed moments ft. Rain World characters
#hunger games simulator#rain world#rain world downpour#fuck tags i'm too tired to say anything else about this
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Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them
Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening
It's all I really ask
#I forgot what this was about part way through writing about it; but then I remembered it's about Ukraine#like I just need to know that you actually understand what's happening there and what people are going through#you want me to care about your thing? show me you have any any any grasp of what's going on in Ukraine#it's uh... it's too many friends where if I'm just honest... this is about them#people I adore but people where... I don't know if they ever even once listen to what I have to say#...though maybe it's better this way... at least if they just ignore me I can say they just don't understand what's going on#that they're just being fed lines by other people or don't care#...if... they... knew the shit Ukrainians go through and still didn't care... would be a lot harder to respect them#would take a certain level of callous to do that and... these are people I care about very much so#...but I don't know; eats at me... you know#...and even on less serious topics... boy I wish you'd ever listen to me#if it weren't for the fact you say you like me... I'd be pretty damn sure you can't fucking stand me and I do nothing but annoy you#...I don't know if you've... ever... listened to anything I've said on any subject#when you do; you usually correct me... even though; brilliant as you are... you're erm... not always right#I don't get it... I don't get you... every word I say seems to be wrong... I'm so stupid and you're so smart#and yet you get real upset when I want to die... so you must actually like me and our communication styles don't match up#thank god you never seem to read my tags... or... much of anything else I say#truthfully I'd follow you anywhere; and you can treat me any way you want#but man I don't think my thoughts or opinions matter to you even a little... I think I just exist to be your rubber duck#...that's how it feels anyway#but all that aside... just wish you'd listen to me on Ukraine cause it actually matters#this post started out about some other people too... and sure... I like them well enough; and they're maddeningly wrong#like sputnik levels or wrong#drives me nuts; like you're not stupid and you're not cruel so why do you act so stupid and cruel?... turn you brain on#but uh... I actually just don't care about them that much#where as you... I could put it into words... but I won't#it's just a shame... like forget any of the stuff about me; it's just you're so kind... wish you'd care about what's going on in Ukraine#...I gotta stop or I'll go on all night; and I'm already too tired#mm tag so i can find things later
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I just finished the netflix onmyoji show. it was so good. it was so gay. I'm very happy, I need ten thousand more
#onmyoji ramblings#i will also accept ten thousand more episodes like my fave ep 7 where they just have slumber parties#and drinks and enjoy solving mysteries through the power of friendship#have i mentioned the being gay together? because there was a lot of that#okay it wasn't explicitly gay but it's hard to see it as anything else#the fondness the devotion the sacrifice#they're in love#oops maybe i should have put this in the post instead of the tags but here we are#and i'm too tired to change it#netflix onmyoji ramblings
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SHIP MEME TIME
thank you to @redcloak for making this specific version of the meme! (even if I got rid of the "no" category on mine lmao.) you can find it for yourself here.
Not pictured:
blood family bonds (since those are obvious)
Kazuma/Haifan (my OC who he met in Hong Kong as a dock worker)
Some of my Fucked UpTM ships that I won't talk about and don't perceive as true in my mental canon but do occasionally imagine
Soseki and Shamspeare being friends (or even... lovers?) in a better world (and I entirely have this incredible fic by Notebooked to blame for wanting this). in the current world i do nonetheless imagine they banged
Enoch and Tusspells being besties in a better world
maybe even Courtney/Mr. Sithe (who later dies of tuberculosis)/Meiko Asogi (Genshin's wife whom he is in a troubled and loveless marriage with)... in a better world
Speaking of better worlds, that's the only world in which I would want Jigotoba to be requited (i.e. Yujin is with both Ayame and Seishiro, doesn't abandon Susato after Ayame's death, and he and Seishiro take her to Britain together).
Anyway, sorry for this mess!
#red randomness#ace attorney#the great ace attorney#benbaro#ryulock#genklimtville#sosenaga#jigotoba#homumiko#kazufan#sithesogis#gen<-baro#susa<-hao#tobias gregson#enoch drebber#gina lestrade#mael stronghart#maria gorey#i'm too tired to tag anything else for the moment#maybe i'll come back and do so#the fact that my actual ships kinda got buried under lines of family and friendship is sorta hilarious#but hey. these games are mostly about friends and family anyway. maybe it's poetic#is this readable to anyone other than me? who knows?#the great ace attorney spoilers
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#my posts#you know how this usually goes#i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao#... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better#maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more#2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man.#like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao#. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao#like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general#what i do isnt good enough#what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?#and like all things considered i should be doing good currently#or at least not this bad#but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man.#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao#also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me#but like.. more than usual#and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem#idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse#or they i will regret lmao#i. wont do any of those#also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die#not against it but its not the only option#just lay there and float..... also not against it#i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is#like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao#... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired#.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao#like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah#its kinda worse than i thought lmao
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My last Galacta Knight post made me think a little more, so uh. More about this concept in this post :3
Galacta Knight only became stronger because that's all he was taught to do. Train, fight, get stronger. All for a purpose he was never told about. It leads to him having a complicated relationship with himself and the Ancients because he doesn't want to hurt any innocent people, but the Ancients [Redacted], he couldn't just stop! Many years of fighting with himself cause him to lock his emotions down.
The Ancients slowly become lenient with him during the months leading up to his fight with Void. Allowing him to interact with others and take weeks off from training. But then Void shows up and the Ancients become strict again.
Galacta Knight hates fighting. But he loves it at the same time because it's the one thing that has constantly been in his life since he could remember. The fight with Void leads to him becoming even stronger than before, and at some point after that, Galacta snaps. (His species was never good at ignoring their emotions. Try too hard for too long and... well, don't be surprised if [Redacted 2] happens.)
He's tired of being too strong. So he gets the Ancients to seal him away. (They wouldn't listen to him at first, but that's okay. [Redacted 3] happened. They listened to him after that.)
#I'm angsting him again. at this point I think I'm stuck in angst mode /hj#I still don't headcanon the whole 'sealed because he couldn't control his strength' thing- /lh#-but a few headcanons of mine can be in this post though. as a treat :3 /hj#this is just a neat concept I keep thinking about :3#my wording looks weird again- oh well! too tired to fix it >w<#cloud does a ramble :3#blorbo tag <3#cloud's 12am thoughts#<except it's 2am. at this point the tag is just for when I post things while I'm tired /lh /hj#kirby#galacta knight#kirby series#kirby fandom#kirby au#not sure if I should tag this as anything else- if you think this fits something that should be tagged let me know! :3
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mdzs characters and what kind of kpop stans i think they'd be
wei wuxian: stans all the groups. all of them. learned the flute part in nct 127's 'Sticker' to annoy lan qiren, will throw hands over lee taemin
lan wangji: "doesnt listen to kpop" but has a playlist with all the songs wwx recommended him. knows mark's rap in jopping by heart for reasons unbeknownst to everyone, including him
lan xichen: very into 1st/ early 2nd gen ballads but will occasionally put on guerilla by ateez. he just has to break that wall sometimes you know?
lan sizhui: carat, mostly because he enjoys the intricate choreographies and because they remind him of his idiot friends. ults minghao
lan jingyi: staytiny (kingdom was the worst and best time of his life)
jin ling: exo-l, will fight everyone who mentions the fate of exo-m to him. can't wait for the ot9 comeback (has high hopes for lay returning)
nie huaisang: girl group stan, somehow always has a new nugu gg to support, at the forefront of the #freeloona movement. has doxxed people over "disrespecting his faves"
jiang cheng: would Never admit to liking bubblegum kpop, his playlists are all private (most played artist: orange caramel)
jiang yanli: biggest once this side of the yangtze river
jin guangyao: toxic twitter army
#is this anything?#autistically combines special interest and current hyperfixation#i only made lsz a carat because he's my boy and i am a carat#would love to see everyone else's takes on this pls ๐ซถ๐ป#mdzs#the untamed#kpop#wei wuxian#lan wangji#not gonna tag the rest i'm too tired#mo dao su zhi
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when ww said "this is not my life, I'm no survivor, i only happened to survive"
#he gets it he really does.#hate when ppl call me resilient or are proud of me for surviving shit. girl i did not do anything to be here now. in fact quite the contrary#i am permanently in survival mode and I'm trying so hard to turn it off. but mostly in 1 direction and not the one most ppl hope#sigh. I'm tired man ๐ i just started new mood stabilizers and I'm anxious as fuck#(well. not new. i was on them before when i was a teen. can't remember why i stopped tho)#the whole trying new pills is depressing bc well. there's p much nothing left for me to try#i had a call with her this week. i mentioned it i think. but most of it was trying to figure out if there's meds i never tried out there#the only other one we considered to maybe replace my current antidepressant is very new to the market aka she doesn't know what it does yet#so. instead of replacing. adding stabilizers and hope they don't make things even worse (but lbr they probably will)#I'm very close to giving up yet again. idk what there even is to give up on anymore. my life is nothing with a side of void#but giving up is the only thing i know how to do. I'm too anxious to do anything else. i don't know how to do anything else#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh really wanna cut rn but i already have some wounds on my hands and arms + I'm in enough pain as is so what's the use#vent#i should sleep. idk if i can. I've been trying all day and failed. I'm so tired#i wish i didn't wake up man ๐ i wish i died. tonight#suicide //#not really but implied ig#self harm mention //#ask to tag
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clawing at the walls
#ramblings#there was Literally No Spring this year it was winter and now it's going to hit 27 degrees today#why. what the hell happened#i mean i know exactly why but. you know#vent in tags beyond this point proceed with caution ->#it's just. what is there to do. what is there to say that hasn't been said already. what is there to say that anyone will listen to#no one says anything about it. do they notice? do they care? do they think they're alone like me?#i see blackbirds and juncos together now. summer and winter blending into one. it scares me and no one else#i get what he was saying now. i'm tired of trying and trying. and angry that they left us here#and afraid that there'll be nothing left for me. and sad for what's already been lost#i wish i could fight. i wish i could do something the way all of you do#and yet i'm too paralyzed by my own emotions to even say anything. what's my problem#i wasn't made for this#i just want to know i'll be able to live#is that too much to ask#i'm. going through it. don't look at me
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screaming, tearing my hair out, sobbing face down on my bed
#so my ex-boyfriend left the temp housing place without cleaning up at all. The thing is we were still together when he left.#We broke up after he was gone and before I came back to the house. The sink is overflowing with dishes and he left stuff here even though he#moved over an hour away. The other person that was staying here also left all the dishes dirty. Its the temp housings community dishes so I#cant cook or eat now and I CANT DO DISHES RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I STILL ALMOST PASS OUT WHEN IM STANDING FOR TOO LONG?#which he knew about before he left the place. and so did the other person staying here because she was my cousin.#I'm disgusted by people. And I'm so hurt? We were going to stay together and he did that to me. And I know he wasnt planning on leaving me.#Because he left two items very important to him sitting on our bed.#One being his ushanka that he got while living in russia with his grandpas soviet pin still on it.#And two the blanket his children were wrapped in as babies.#He left so much stuff here when I asked him to take everything. But he made sure to take the food that was his/what he thought should be his#Im pretty sure that he took my only HDMI cord too and I dont know what else.#I still have all of his other stuff in a storage unit. I plan to give it back but unless he gives me atleast a day of notice I cant.#Im going to have to call my mom to ask her to help me clean this all up. I physically cant do it And I'm calling the housing department tmrw#I gotta tell them that they gotta make sure that people actually follow the contract because i cant fucking eat until my mom comes to help#Theres cameras in all the common areas including the kitchen that run 24/7 so why havent they done anything. The other person that lived#here already moved out and it was all recorded. I gotta put in a complaint or something. This is why I'm losing a dangerous amount of weight#because I cant eat especially since i had an abortion 2 weeks ago thats given me so many health issues#I couldnt walk or move for days without my vision going black and i had such severe pain I was in and out of the doctors office and the ER#Not to mention I couldnt breathe when I was standing/walking too. And then he just left everything for me to deal with.#and yes again WE WERE STILL TOGETHER WHEN HE LEFT#im so tired and hungry man this is fucking terrible.#tag vent#vent in tags#vent
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What if Dean's drinking and indulging and disregard for his health is actually him staking a claim on his body? It's his body so he can treat it how he wants to. It's his body so it's nobody's business but him if it has liver failure. It's his body and if Michael's going to treat it like a meat suit it's going to be the most tattered and stained suit on the rack. He's going to make Michael loathe every second he has to inhabit Dean's body. Because Michael might claim it, might wear it, but it's never going to actually be his.
#i don't know#it's after midnight and I'm tired and it just popped in my head#SPN#Dean Winchester#I'm not going to tag anything else cuz I'm too tired and let this drift freely through the Tumblr tag system and find those that vibe
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I've been blocking tags now, mostly just celebrities because everytime I scroll through the Welcome Home tags, I get bombarded with tits and ass from these bots and they always use Welcome Home tags, but they also tag celebrities, so I'm just blocking tags of celebrities, like, Taylor Swift, Kim Kardashian, Kate Middleton,etc.
Since I'm not really into celebrities, that way I don't have to see bots spam up the Welcome Home tags with naked women
I've also blocked out the tags ' succession 'since the bots tag that a lot and it's clogging up the Welcome Home tags
#try blocking the tags that you don't care about#if you see a bot#Look for the key tags they always use#so tired of seeing the bots clog up the Welcome Home tags#welcome home#also some of the bots are using the welcome home arg tags too#I'm just trying to look at welcome home fanart man#Also the mature content filter doesn't do shit because I have it turned on#And I am still seeing bots posting it up like it's the hub or something#I am concerned about minors on the welcome home tags#because even scrolling through the ' welcome home arg ' tags still has some ' hub ' bots#Is there anything else to do to avoid the bots?
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